Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
