Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize