Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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