I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Porn is love you can see.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
