Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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