I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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