I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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