Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
