you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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