I met the friendliest cop last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
