I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Everything about him screamed your future.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
