I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I believe in your delicious
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
