I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
