Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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