my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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