she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
