apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
