names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
