oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
