you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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