Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
