It's Friday. Sex?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
