Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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