Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
