How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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