At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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