At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
