jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
birth control should be required to get into college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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