yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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