low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk is a universal language darling
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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