I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
