"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
