Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
