You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
