I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
