My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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