I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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