it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
