I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
