I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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