i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
