my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
