Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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