There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
