i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sarcasm needs its own font
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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