Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she smelled like a LAN party
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
