and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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