Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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