I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
