Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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