Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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