You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ugly people sure do ruin things
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
