She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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