sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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