party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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