Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
