She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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