I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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