need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
