The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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