Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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