Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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