my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
