billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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