Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
