Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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