Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
