He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
