She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
