And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
