That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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