I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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